Start Embracing and Enjoying
the Psycho-Spiritual Development Journey of Marriage
Bonding, Talking, Doing, Being, Teaming!
The “Talking” Phase of Early Marriage:
The Relational Adventure Begins with Our Wake-Up Call….
The transition out of the oceanic, blissful “Bonding” phase of romantic love, into the edgy, electric “Talking” phase, is a developmental phase in marriage when we get a powerful opportunity to let go of merely running our habitual relational routines on our partner, and show up for something far beyond that. We enter the riveting, productive world of authentic relational presence in a new and exciting way in the relationship. Relaxing and letting go of the subconscious agendas for others and ourselves (the agendas we so often cling to during interpersonal contact) makes room for experiential impact, emotional perceptiveness, and expanding mindfulness when relating to our partner. What a rush we experience when we connect with another without the personality’s project running the show!
How do we notice and begin to let go of our personality’s routine when relating to our significant other? We practice taking a breath (whenever we remember to do so), where we get still enough inside to notice what Riso and Hudson call the Wake-Up Call. The Wake-up Call for our Enneatype always invites us to relax the subconscious agendas we are running in that moment.
When you start to become familiar with the physical tensions, emotional reactivity, and intellectual loops associated with your personality’s favorite agendas, you can then relax those body patterns, find your way into motivational, helpful feelings; and entertain fresh thoughts that serve your relationships.
What is the Wake-Up Call
(Riso & Hudson, Wisdom of the Enneagram)
in your life that might need some attention?
- The Reformer: Feeling a sense of personal obligation to fix everything ourselves (“If I don’t do this, no one else will.”)
- The Helper: Leaning in and people-pleasing (“I must go out to others to win them over”)
- The Achiever: Believing one’s value depends on one’s success (Beginning to drive myself for status and attention)
- The Individualist: Using the imagination to intensify feelings (Clinging to a mood – replay mode)
- The Investigator: Retreating into the mind (I withdraw from reality into concepts and mental worlds)
- The Loyalist: Second guessing and a doubting mind (Turning away from confidence in self – I’m becoming dependent on something outside myself for guidance)
- The Enthusiast: “The grass is greener…” (Feeling something better is available somewhere else)
- The Challenger: Using too much energy (Feeling that I must push and struggle to make things happen)
- The Peacemaker: Going along with others (Outwardly accommodating myself to others. Saying “yes” when I mean “no!”)