DOING: How Do We Build Something MEANINGFUL for BOTH of Us?

  1. What We’ll Cover in this Training….
    1. Gaining a Sense of Self-Esteem APART From the Relationship WITHOUT an Unhealthy Distance!
    2. Ways We Can Get Stuck During this Vital Stage of Couple Development
    3. Enneagram of Personality Concepts that Can Help Us in the Journey Into a Vibrant and Productive Doing Stage
    4. Doing-Stage Toolkits Specifically Designed For Your and Your Partner Dominant Styles
    5. Ronna’s Personal Story About Praying, Playing, & Partnering During the BIG Doing-Stage Crisis in Her Own Marriage

FIRST IT WAS “WE ARE A COUPLE!”     NEXT IT WAS “WE ARE DIFFERENT!”   NOW…“I WANT MY INDEPENDENCE!”

WHAT’S GOING ON?  

Let’s Talk About

the Often Exciting,

Sometimes Exhausting,

Potentially Explosive

DOING STAGE of Couple Development!

DO YOU THINK YOU TWO MIGHT BE ENTERING A NEW TIME

OF PRACTICING TALENTS & INVESTING IN INTERESTS

THAT SEEM TO BE PULLING YOU BOTH AWAY FROM HOME?

“I just like my independence!”

“I am more than just a wife/husband!”

“I am so focused on my career right now!”

“All he talks about is that new hobby of……!”

“She says it’s just time for her to give back to our community and that I need to take the kids a few nights a week so she can continue volunteering!”

“We don’t always have to have the same friends!”

“I feel like I’m valuable again!”

“I need this! This is building my self-esteem!”

The Doing Stage

We Continue the Divinely Designed Dance of Togetherness and Separation that Grows Us Up as a Couple and as Individuals with THE EXCITING DOING STAGE OF COUPLE DEVELOPMENT.

If we move through the Bonding Stage & Talking Stage well with our partner, we have the foundation in our relationship to allow each of us to risk engaging in projects and activities that further our individual development even more.

THIS MEANS WE CAN HAVE OUR SEPARATE AREAS WHERE WE HAVE A SENSE OF SELF-ESTEEM APART FROM THE RELATIONSHIP.   This can be accomplished in many different healthy ways – career expansion, volunteer work, creative pursuits, education, you name it! This is a time we can enjoy these expanding parts of ourselves and feel really good about who we are, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE CAN DO IT WITHOUT CREATING AN UNHEALTHY AMOUNT DISTANCE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

The Healthy Doing Couple

This Time of New, Exhilarating Independence is Built on Our Base of Well-Developed Ability to Be Separate WHILE Connected to Each Other.

That base is created by our ability to embrace the big developmental challenge of the Talking Stage: learning about, and learning to love, the reality of the kaleidoscope of ways we are different from our partner. We need to be able to trust and enjoy our relationship to move into the Doing Stage.   The reason this is so important is that the Doing Stage is a time where we have less connection time than we did in the early stages, so we need to do that “together” stuff well so it is high quality connection time!

When we know how much we value each other and each other’s talents, when we know how to experience courageous closeness in the relationship, this stage can become an exciting developmental journey for both partners, in many ways. If we hit a few stuck points along the way, and our relational system is open enough to pull in the outside resources necessary to move forward.   We can enjoy the Doing-Stage growth dance of balancing individual growth and couple development during those crises.   The intimacy, physical and otherwise, can even get BETTER at this stage as we develop a habit of “coming together” at the end of the day, bringing some of that beautiful self-development energy home.

THERE OFTEN ARISES (out of this important stage) A NEW SENSE OF WANTING TO BUILD SOMETHING TOGETHER OR CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORLD IN A WAY THAT IS, AS COUPLE DEVELOPMENT EXPERTS BADER & PEARSON REMARK, “MEANINGFUL” TO BOTH OF US!

WHERE THE PROBLEMS CAN COME UP…..

Ellen Bader & Peter Pearson,

Marriage Experts and Founders of the World Famous Couples Institute,

Describe Common Ways Couples Can Run into Trouble EVEN if They Reach the Entry Point to this Stage…

The Doing-Stage “Stuck” Couple #1 –

The Battle Over Resources (Doing vs. Doing)

Dating or Married to a First Born? Control, Aggression, & Confidence Levels May Require Attention During Conflict Resolution & Planning Sessions….

“I Need It! I’m Buying It! I Don’t Care WHAT You Say!”

“No, It’s YOUR Turn to Watch the Kids Tonight. I Have Group…You Know That!”

“Yes, But You Don’t Get It.   This Is Important to Me…”

“Can You Believe She Signed Up for That Without Telling Me?”

“We Both Work Full Time, He Should Help Me with the Dinner Dishes.”

“You Wanted a Dog….You Walk Him!”

When both partners are pulling on the finite resources of the marriage, without the safety-creating, conflict-resolving, and communication-enhancing skills that get established in a good Talking Stage, a continual tug-of-war can block the couple’s developmental journey as they enter the Doing Stage.

“If they don’t have a good base of differentiation you will see enormous stubbornness from each partner and insistence on the only way they’re going to get their needs met is to do what they want to do. They don’t know how to incorporate the other one at all. They think it means surrender if they start to listen well to what their partner is asking for. They’re afraid they won’t be able to hold on to their gains.

…Fear is really at the core of it… It has the feeling, ‘Can I hold onto myself and still include this other person?’   “  (Bader & Pearson, the Couples Institute talking about what they call “Practicing” in Couple Development)

The Doing-Stage “Stuck” Couple #2 –

The Pursuer-Distancer Dance (Bonding vs. Doing)

Dating and Work

“I Texted You Nine Times Tonight! Where Were You?”

“Why Do You Like Hanging Out with Your Buddies More Than You Like Being with Us?”

“That New Promotion She Got Changed Everything!”

Or…..

“You Need to Get a Life! Seriously, I Can’t Do This Right Now. I Have a Meeting.”

“He’s Suffocating Me!”

“I Don’t Want to Have to Check in with You Every Five Minutes!”

When one partner is pulling for more togetherness (Bonding Stage stuff!) Because he or she is fearing differentiation tasks (Talking Stage stuff!), and the other has moved much more into independence and individuation because he or she is giving up on (or fearing) differentiation tasks (Talking Stage stuff!), this is another classic Doing-Stage stuck point for couples.

“….a partner who tries a little bit of differentiation, it fails and so they move rapidly into demanding a lot of independence.” (Bader & Pearson, the Couples Institute)

 

 

Some Ideas for Enneagram Type Work For the Doing-Stage “Stuck” Couple!

Following is an Overview of Some Great Tools for Personality Development. 

Scroll Down for Specific Work for Your and Your Partner’s Specific Ennea-types!

STEP ONE:

QUESTIONING OUR PERSONALITY STYLE “LENS” THAT IS ACTIVATED UNDER THE STRESS OF THIS STAGE:

Raising our own awareness about why and how we tend to amplify and then over-compensate for our dominant coping strategy during these power struggles, can set us free to embrace a new level of reality, and to re-enter the couple development journey!

AWARENESS of the RISO-HUDSON (The Wisdom of the Enneagram)

1) BASIC FEAR

2) DIRECTION OF STRESS &

3) UNCONSCIOUS CHILDHOOD MESSAGE

for Our Dominant Types  are TOOLS THAT CAN START GETTING US UNSTUCK AS A COUPLE!

(Scroll Down to See the Specific Riso-Hudson Wake-up Call, Direction of Stress, and Unconscious Childhood Message for Your Types!)

 

 

THE RELATIONSHIP DR. TOOL KITS -(Scroll Down for the Specific Tool Kits for Your Type!)

Integrating these Riso-Hudson Type Concepts, the Bader-Pearson Development Model, & the “Sermon on the Mount”

The Basic Fear that is Driving Us to Rev Up Our Typical Coping Style in Relationships, and Avoid Differentiating from Our Partner!

  • EXAMINING WHAT’S UNDERNEATH THAT AVOIDANCE & ENGAGING IN A DIALOGUE WITH THAT FRIGHTENED PART OF US that May Be Resisting or Rushing Past Those Talking-Stage Tasks (See Our Last Issue of TYPE TALK for a Description of Those Tasks)
  • That Part of Us Usually Needs a Dose of God’s Grace and Truth (Those Two Tend to Come as a Package!)  to Move Forward:  In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus’ BIG Message Seems to Be That It May Be a Powerful Gift When We Find Ourselves in Need of God’s Help!  These Personality Style Struggles in Relationship Can Bring Us to the End of Our Rope; and Yet THIS is What the Lord Promises Us:   “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” Matthew 5:3, The Message (MSG)
  • (Scroll Down for Your Type’s Basic Fear)

The Ways We “Over Do It” WITH and then “Over Compensate” FOR Our Style When We Try to Manipulate Our Partner in the Battle For Doing-Stage Resources!

  • When We Frequently Find Ourselves Swept Away by These Autopilot Patterns of Trying to Manipulate Others, We May Be Adding to Our Own Relational Problems By Becoming More Entrenched in Our Way of Being in the Relationship, and that Just Means It’s Time to Get Some Support!
  • God Designed Us a Particular Way, with a Particular Temperament, to Flourish in Our Gifts, Not to Be Limited By Our Habits.
  • (Scroll Down for Your Type’s Typical Manipulation Strategies & Direction of Stress or “Overcompensation”)

The Unconscious Childhood Message that Each Enneagram Style Has on Its “Lens” that is ALWAYS Worth Questioning When We Are in One of Those Doing-Stage “Tug of Wars!”    This is Part of the Inner Critic that We All Grow Up with…This Inner Critic Message May Have Kept Us Safe at Times, But the Inner Critic Really Needs to Know that God is in Charge of the “What-Is-and-Is-Not-Okay-For-Us-To-Have” Department Now!…(Scroll Down for Your Type’s Unconscious Childhood Message)

 

 

STEP TWO:

MAKING ROOM FOR YOUR and YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS TO OPERATE FREELY IN THE RELATIONSHIP

Operating as a team made up of two fully differentiated, actualized individuals, both of whom have talents operating in the relationship, allows us to more easily make decisions about our life together, plan effectively, solve problems well, and enjoy other aspects of high functioning doing-stage life!  

The more awake to the healthy strengths of our Types, the more we can each invite (as opposed to being threatened by) the natural gifts of both our and our partner’s style to transform and propel our couple life into the exciting and fulfilling aspects of the Doing Stage.

HERE ARE SOME GREAT NATURAL ROLES TO CELEBRATE DURING THE DOING STAGE, to get that invitation started!   THE MADANES-ADEZES (“From Stuckness to Growth – Executive Coaching”) PAEI Organizational Roles: different roles are usually more (or less) natural to each Enneagram Type. However every marriage needs every role covered!

  1. P – Producing

    (Achieving, Industrious, Productive, Highly Functional, Action-oriented (not inclined to over analyzing), Knowledgeable, “Shoot First” “Fire, Aim, Ready!” Approach) (Scroll Down to See Which Types are Naturally Producing)

  2. A – Administrating

    (Manage By-the-Book, Attention to Details, Methodical, Organized, Foresee Problems, Logical and Linear, Drawn to the “Hard Numbers,” Conservative) (Scroll Down to See Which Types are Naturally Administrating)

  3. E – Entrepreneuring

    (Visionary, Creative, Innovative, Pro-active, Big-picture Thinker (not likely to get bogged down in details), Change-oriented, Enthusiastic, Stimulating, Possibility-oriented, Opportunity-aware, Charismatic, Independent) (Scroll Down to See Which Types are Naturally Entrepreneuring)

  4. I – Integrating

    (Can See Potential in Others, Foster Trust & Respect, Good Listener, Harmonizer, Skilled at Resolving Conflict, Tries to Relieve Tensions in the Relationship, Empathetic, Sensitive, Reasonable, Supportive) (Scroll Down to See Which Types are Naturally Integrating.)

VALUING THESE NATURAL SKILL SETS CAN BE ENLIVIENING AND GROWTH-PROMOTING WHEN APPLIED TO THE “ORGANIZATION” OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS! (See the specific Madanes-Adizes PAEI strengths that tend to be associated with your Type below….)

FOR YOU & YOUR PARTNER –

JUMP-STARTING THE JOURNEY OUT OF DOING-STAGE STUCKNESS: DOMINANT STYLE, DIFFERENTIATION & DIVINE DESIGN

 

Type: One

We Cope by Reforming

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I’m Actually Bad, Corrupt, Evil, or Defective?”  

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Correcting Others, Insisting that Others Share Our Standards While We’re Chasing After Perfectionism & then Becoming Moody and Irrational (Sliding Down Our Four Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s Not Okay to Make Mistakes!”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well!  So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We are Awake: Like Administrating (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5:6 The Message (MSG)   “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”

 

Type : Two

We Cope By Helping

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging in the Dong Stage: “What if I’m Actually Unworthy of Being Loved?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Finding Out about Others’ Needs and Desires, Creating Dependencies While We’re Chasing After Feeling Needed & then Becoming Suddenly Aggressive and Dominating (Sliding Down Our Eight Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s Not Okay to Have Our Own Needs.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake: Like Integrating, with Some Producing. (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.” Matthew 5:7 The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Three

We Cope By Achieving

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I’m Actually Worthless?  What if I Actually Have No Inherent Value?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Charming Others and Adopting Whatever Image Will “Work,” While We’re “Chasing After the Chase” of Success & then Becoming Disengaged and Apathetic (Sliding Down Our Nine Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s Not Okay to Have Our Own Feelings and Identity.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake: Like Producing, with Some Entrepreneuring.. (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5:14  Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept.” The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Four

We Cope By Individualizing

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I Actually Have No Identity or Personal Significance?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Being Temperamental and Making Others “Walk on Eggshells” While We’re Self-Indulgently Chasing After a Sense of Being Our Self & then Becoming Over-involved and Clingy (Sliding Down Our Two Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s Not Okay to Be Too Functional or Too Happy.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake: Like Integrating and Entrepreneuring. (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5:4 The Message (MSG)   “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”

 

Type : Five

We Cope By Investigating

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I’m Actually Useless, Incapable, or Incompetent?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Staying Preoccupied and Detaching Emotionally From Others While We’re Chasing After Useless Specialization & then Becoming Hyperactive and Scattered (Sliding Down Our Seven Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s Not Okay to Be Comfortable in the World.”  

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake:   Like Entrepreneuring (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5:8   “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Six

We Cope By Being Loyal

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I Actually Have No Support or Guidance?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Complaining and Testing Others’ Commitment to Us While We’re Chasing After More Attachment to Beliefs & then Becoming Competitive and Arrogant (Sliding Down Our Three Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s not okay to trust yourself.”  

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake: Like Administrating (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5: 5 “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”   The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Seven

We Cope By Being Enthusiastic

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I am Actually Deprived or Trapped in Pain?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Being Distracting and Insisting Others Meet Our Demands While We’re Frenetically Chasing After Escapism & then Becoming Perfectionistic and Critical (Sliding Down Our One Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It’s not okay to depend on anyone for anything.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake:   Like Entrepreneuring (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: Matthew 5:13 Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?”   The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Eight

We Cope By Challenging

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I am Actually Harmed or Controlled By Another?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: Dominating Others and Demanding that Others Do as We Say, While We’re Constantly Chasing After the Fight & then Becoming Secretive and Fearful (Sliding Down Our Five Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “It is not okay to be vulnerable or to trust anyone.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake:   Like Entrepreneuring and Producing (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way: You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.” Matthew 5:10 The Message (MSG)  

 

Type : Nine

We Cope By Peacemaking

What We are Afraid of that Keeps Us From Fully Differentiating from Our Partner and Fully Engaging the Dong Stage: “What if I Lose Connection?  What if I Experience Fragmentation?”

Doing Stage Stuck Symptom: “Checking Out” and Passive Aggressively Resisting Others, While We’re Stubbornly Chasing After Neglectfulness & then Becoming Anxious and Worried (Sliding Down Our Six Arrow) when We Don’t Get to Do What We Want to Do.

What’s on Our Lens from Childhood that May Be Worth Questioning at this Moment: “Its not okay to assert yourself.”

IT IS MORE THAN OKAY, IT’S HEALTHY to find a way to do that well! So Relax that Inner Critic and Release the…

Marriage Transformation Gifts We Naturally Bring to the Relationship When We’re Awake:   Like Integrating (See Description of PAEI Strengths Above)

Why God Designed Us This Way:   Matthew 5:9 “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.” The Message (MSG)  

 

Couples Training

A PERSONAL STORY:

PRAYING, PLAYING, & PARTNERING TOGETHER –

as a Therapeutic Intervention During My Own Big Doing-Stage “Stuck” Era

(God Always Has a Vision of Marriage

that Makes Room for BOTH Partners’ Best!)

That “enormous stubbornness” couples can get stuck in in the Doing Stage is a symptom with which I am personally very familiar. My husband and I hit a big and painful version of that particular flavor of a Doing-Stage stuck point about six years into in our marriage.

We seemed, to outsiders (at first glance) like we were “doing” in a few healthy ways (separate interests, careers advancing, different friend circles, etc.), but we were missing that real differentiation that happens when couples can let go of fears about losing the relationship when facing differences.   That courage would have emerged faster if we had courageously completed the tasks of the Talking Stage before rushing into the tasks of the Doing Stage. Instead we were just fleeing into the Doing-Stage activities to reduce our anxiety.  

We lived separate and lonely lives during these confusing and exhausting “stuck” years, engaging in frequent gigantic tug-of-war arguments over where resources would be spent. (A sure marker of a couple stuck in a premature Doing Stage!)   I would leave on multi-week-long work trips without even having a conversation with my husband about how he felt about my planned absence for that particular period of time, or if there were any household tasks that needed to be discussed. He would escape into his own hobbies, only sharing his resentment about my extended absences with his closest friends, never feeling safe enough to risk sharing those same resentments with me. Pretty soon we were living like college room-mates, both wrapped up in our separate interests, too afraid to find out exactly who we were married to. We had sweet airport hellos and goodbyes, combined with smiley-faced Post-it Notes on the microwave, as our connection mainstays.  What seemed like “independence” to onlookers, was really a deep disconnection, peppered by horrible arguments and secret tears of longing for more relationship.

Just as we were both starting to really tire of our fake Doing Stage, a financial crisis brought us to our knees, literally, and thankfully! God put us in a situation where we had to ACTUALLY BECOME A TEAM to get through it:

  1. We were motivated to seek God’s wisdom together, which meant a lot of time praying together, comforting each other during the crisis, and finding little fun things to do together that lowered our stress, all of which reinforced our connection (Bonding Stage stuff: commitment, love).
  1. We had to solve problems together, and that was a blessing. We learned that arguments were too taxing while we were under so much financial stress, so we worked on and got help with the arts of conflict resolution and listening, which supported our differentiation (Talking Stage stuff: honesty, conflict resolution skills).

And then something interesting happened!   We began to trust God to work with the other person during disagreements, and trust that we would eventually come together and act as a team.   We noticed that if we sought God’s will together, He would always steer us both in one overarching BEST direction, even if we did not understand HOW He could accomplish that.

We started to relax with each other, knowing that God has BOTH of our best interests in His plan.   And because that always showed out to be true with each differentiation issue we faced, we began to realize that we could each be a whole person and have the life we truly wanted WHILE we were in a caring relationship. And THAT is the piece that must be established to keep real fear from setting in when the Doing Stage starts!

What we learned is that God always has a vision of marriage that makes room for BOTH partners.   His care for us in this way means we can make room for each other without fear!   Amen to that, eh?

Bond, Talk, & Do On, Dear Ones!

Ronna

The Relationship Doctor

YOUR TRAINING PACKETS:

Part 1, GROWING OUR TYPES UP TOGETHER with BONDING – April 2015 – AVAILABLE NOW (look to your left, click on “Part 1”)!

Part 2, GROWING OUR TYPES UP TOGETHER with TALKING  June 2015- AVAILABLE NOW (look to your left, click on “Part 2”)!

Part 3, GROWING OUR TYPES UP TOGETHER with DOING – August 2015 -AVAILABLE NOW (This Page)!

Part 4, GROWING OUR TYPES UP TOGETHER with BEING & then TEAMING   – July  2016 – AVAILABLE NOW (look to your left, click on “Part 4”)!

FREE COUPLES COURSE

all designed by Ronna Phifer-Ritchie, PhD

____________________

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