When we stop merely running our relational routines on others, we enter the riveting, productive world of relational presence. Relaxing and letting go of the subconscious agendas for others and ourselves we so often cling to during interpersonal contact makes room for experiential impact, emotional perceptivity, and expanded-brain mindfulness when relating to others. What a rush we experience when we connect with another without the personality’s project running the show!
How do we notice and begin to let go of our personality’s routine when relating to significant others, to colleagues, even to ourselves? We practice taking a breath of presence whenever we remember to do so, where we get still enough inside to notice what Riso and Hudson call the Wake-Up Call. The Wake-up Call for our Enneatype always invites us to relax the subconscious agendas we are running in that moment.
When you start to become familiar with the physical tensions, affective blocks, and intellectual loops associated with your personality’s favorite agendas, you can then relax those body patterns, find your way into motivationally helpful feelings, and entertain fresh thoughts that serve your relationships.
Wake-Up Calls in your life that might need some attention (from the Riso-Hudson Authorized Workshop, the Wisdom of the Enneagram):
- The Reformer: Feeling a sense of personal obligation to fix everything ourselves (“If I don’t do this, no one else will.”)
- The Helper: Leaning in and people-pleasing (“I must go out to others to win them over”)
- The Achiever: Believing one’s value depends on one’s success (Beginning to drive myself for status and attention)
- The Individualist: Using the imagination to intensify feelings (Clinging to a mood – replay mode)
- The Investigator: Retreating into the mind (I withdraw from reality into concepts and mental worlds)
- The Loyalist: Second guessing and a doubting mind (Turning away from confidence in self – I’m becoming dependent on something outside myself for guidance)
- The Enthusiast: “The grass is greener…” (Feeling something better is available somewhere else)
- The Challenger: Using too much energy (Feeling that I must push and struggle to make things happen)
- The Peacemaker: Going along with others (Outwardly accommodating myself to others. Saying “yes” when I mean “no!”)
Want to learn more about applying the Enneagram of Personality Wake Up Calls to your daily life? Join us for:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram: Moving Beyond Personality – the Joyful Experience of an Awakening Life (a November 2007 Northern California workshop with Dr. Ronna Phifer-Ritchie and Dr. Roxanne Howe-Murphy)
For more on the Enneagram of Personality and healthy relationships, consider taking:
The Relationships Workshop – Intimate and Professional (a September 2007 Northern California workshop with Dr. Ronna Phifer-Ritchie and Dr. Roxanne Howe-Murphy)