…A Reader Asks!
“What if I Just Don’t Like Her as Much as She Likes Me?”
Dear “Low on Liking Her,”
That is a great and beautifully honest question! Very often we don’t hear from the guys on this side of this relational equation. And I think you nailed the reason we don’t! Those automatic (and sometimes unfounded) guilt feelings that can arise, and sometimes go examined.>
You’re under no moral obligation to like someone as much as they like you. Relationships are made up of differing levels of interest, at different times. And,frankly, your behavior is probably telling her more of the truth about your level of interestthan either of you are realizing.
The BIG “However…”
HOWEVER, if you think about the longer “moral arc,” that of the relationship itself, no matter what form it is to take in the future (friends, lovers, etc.), you will feel an appropriate pull to honesty. Why? Because, to keep her in the dark, or even let her keep herself in the dark, about what’s really going on between you, is not very loving, when you get right down to it.
If she’s lying to herself, be a good friend….don’t help her do that. Pull your conversations into reality. And then make your decisions from that honest place; that clear place. And let her do the same.
What should you do? Get completely honest with yourself about what you are doing here in this relationship. What do you want from her? Have you asked for it with complete candor, so she can make an actual decision. And does what you are wanting from her, feel like it fits your true value system?
Then, talk to her about those realizations.Love her enough to let her feelings be hurt, so you don’t end up truly harming her in the long run.
On the other side of these hard conversations is probably a life you can feel better about.
Check Out This Blog
on the Friendship Value